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Title: No More Blondes
Author/Artist: Julia (youokayhoney/demon_dear)
Rating: G/PG again
Pairing or Character(s): Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, mentions of Gilderoy Lockhart and Gellert Grindelwald
Disclaimer: I just wish I owned them. Sigh....
Author's Note: Okay so... I don't know what happened here. Really.
Another story inspired by this thread. And influenced by bigeyedrabbit's take on it, since I wasn't planning to have McGonagall in here. She's kind of growing on me, actually. Huh.
Thanks to satanicmidnight for suggesting the title.

Albus Dumbledore was already rather regretting hiring Gilderoy Lockhart. He had hired the man without seeing him at all (Minerva was instrumental in the selection process and had, without telling Albus, removed the photograph Lockhart had enclosed in his application letter, knowing it would probably get him turned down immediately), and, honestly, was rather edgy about the decision. But, as Minerva had said, “if he’s completely useless we can always hold him up as an example of how not to defend yourself.” And that was probably what they would have to do, he thought, looking over the man standing in front of him.

Albus’s first thought was that he looked rather like Gellert, but after a moment several huge differences were obvious:

Gilderoy Lockhart’s hair was just as gold, and just as curly, but was significantly shorter.

Gilderoy Lockhart wasn’t wearing dark purple, as Gellert always had, but a slightly retina-burning shade of lilac that Gellert wouldn’t have been caught dead in.

Gilderoy Lockhart had blue eyes, not violet.

And, last but certainly not least, Gilderoy Lockhart looked rather like a fool.

By the end of the year, Albus had noticed hundreds more things, the most important of which were:

Gilderoy Lockhart did not know when to shut his mouth.

Gilderoy Lockhart couldn’t mend broken bones.

Gilderoy Lockhart liked chocolate.

Gilderoy Lockhart was the most narcissistic person Albus had ever met.

And, most importantly, Gilderoy Lockhart was a complete idiot.

Thinking about this as he watched the last few teachers Disapparating outside the school gates, Albus thought that Gellert would have been rather annoyed that he had been compared to Gilderoy Lockhart, even for a moment. He could almost see the other wizard, one eyebrow raised, hands on hips, murmering, “Albus, really,” in that German/British accent he had developed over the summer they had spent together.

“Glad he’s done, then?” Minerva asked quietly, interrupting Albus’s train of thought before it could get too far down that track.

“Immensely. Oh, and Minerva?” Albus asked, pausing on his way back into the castle. “Let’s hire someone sensible this time, please? And no more blondes.”

Cross-posted to grindeldore.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 3rd, 2007 12:17 am (UTC)
*snicker* Well done!
Aug. 3rd, 2007 01:11 am (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you liked. :D
Jun. 15th, 2009 05:27 pm (UTC)
:D i rather like the way albus floats above the situation, thinking to himself how much better gellert is and then regretting ever comparing them.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )